Driving tips for Mr Modi

Dear Mr Modi,

Being in the driver’s seat in India means losing touch with reality. The way you drove on November 8 night clearly shows you are out of practice, so here are three tips you could use:

Brake Gently

Why talk about braking first? Because you really need to work on it. The way you braked on November 8 night was spectacular. The tyres smoked. There were long skid marks, your admirers clapped, but your passengers?

You smashed into a wall and, good thing you had the seat belt on but most of your passengers were left bleeding. Some of them are now dead — “a minor inconvenience”. We haven’t totted up the repair bill yet, but it will be huge.

It Won’t Start In Fifth

Next, Mr Modi, don’t try to start it in fifth gear. I don’t know what to make of your stubbornness but can’t you see the engine is stalling every time? What are the lower gears for? Ah, I forget you got them removed on November 8 night.

Now, don’t try to buy my silence with your alta-dyed Rs 2,000 note, which is as good as the fifth gear in your car. It’s great for mileage and engine life when the economy is cruising along, but what good is it when you are starting again from a standstill?

Can you buy milk, vegetables, fruit and your other daily needs with it? Can you pay your autowala, istriwala, chemist or newspaperwala with it? Where is that shopkeeper who can change Rs 2000 notes all day?

Yet, your government is flooding the market with this useless note. Instead of 25 notes of Rs 100, or five of Rs 500, ATMs now spit out only one Rs 2000 note. The queues have become shorter but people’s misery hasn’t reduced. Try withdrawing your weekly quota of Rs 24,000 from a bank, and you will still get 12 of those useless Rs 2000 notes.

Is it even money, this Rs 2000 note, considering that it does not buy anything this side of Rs 1500 or Rs 1600?

One of the advantages of cash over barter is that it is available in convenient units. So, a dairy farmer who has only one cow to sell can buy food and clothes for his family and also carry out repairs to his hut. But if there’s no cash, he is forced to buy too much of only one kind of thing, maybe grain. He now has three years’ stock of grain at home but no new clothes and toys and books for his children, and the family must continue living under a leaky roof. Your Rs 2000 note is everything cash should not be.

Coming back to the car, Mr Modi, you will have to start it in first, period. And while you are about it, please advise banks to issue only Rs 500 and Rs 100 notes till the economy is back to cruising speed.

Be Gentle On The Clutch Too

Not only did you brake hard, Mr Modi, you are also abrupt with the clutch. You will never get the car started at this rate.

Is that Rs 2000 note a shove for digital payments? Are you trying to force India, and also Bharat, to switch to cards and e-wallets overnight by making cash frustrating? Well, good luck to you, and to me.



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